Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
