I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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