i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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