So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
