she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
