Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
