Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
