I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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