whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
