I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
