"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
