i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
