I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
