we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
