It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've blown a few things in my day
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
