So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Drunk is a universal language darling
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
