I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
