five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
