I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
