Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I need water and some morals
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
