dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
