Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
