if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
