Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i came on her dog
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Randomize
