So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
