I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
