like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There r osticjed everywhere
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
