Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the day after is always just damage control
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
