My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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