Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize