I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
