he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize