I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
