we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
