Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize