four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk is not a location!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
