How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
