Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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