Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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