If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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