Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
