I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
