Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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