my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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