I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
