I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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