I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
