Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
