he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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