You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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