you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
