I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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