I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
