Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
