on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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