Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
