remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Panties = found
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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