I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
