she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
