Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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