u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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