I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
