I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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