I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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