i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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