I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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