Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
