Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
