I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize