You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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