remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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