Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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