I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
