I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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