So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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