And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize