I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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