Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
