i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
