Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize