Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
