you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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