There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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