Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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