there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
