Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
