When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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