this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
