There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
